by Christina Renee | Children, Home
We have an open door policy. I told a friend today it’s a revolving door policy. But hospitality for your kids is just as important as for adults. For one thing, I know where my children are and what they are doing. But this is also an important thing for them to learn so they can implement that in their lives when they’re older.
Activies
Have things for them that aren’t vidio games if possible. We don’t even have one, but I don’t think that they are conductive to conversation. That could be just my own pet peeve but I don’t like them so engrossed in video games they forget people. We have a large number of games, both board games and cards. Look up new card game rules online when we don’t know them. Have puzzles and I love printing off questions for dinner conversations that often branch off in other areas. We do watch movies together but their favorite is theme movie/dinners. Which leads to…
Food
Theme dinners are their very favorite. We love to pair dinner and a movie. I know one of the things is eating in the living room. Be creative. Cheaper by the Dozen – franks and beans. We had a Transformer party with all the hats, plates and renamed food. You don’t have to keep the same name for dishes. We have a Grinch party every year- It’s my daughters favorite. Grinch droppings are peas. Mistle toes are chicken fingers. Roast beast- I’m sure you can guess.
We always have popcorn available and it’s ok to serve water any time. You don’t have to go overboard. Make and freeze cookie dough in advance so it’s ready for last minute. Make sure and mark it something unappetizing like liver or chicken feet. They’ll never touch it. For dinners, with teens and boys, just make sure there’s an abundance. Spagetti, chili, soups, and casseroles all stretch far and fills them up. I always have bread of some kind too. And very few will say no to dessert even if it’s thrown together, a boxed mix or even simply fruit.
Manners
Now is a good time to practice those company manners. Go over it with them ahead of time. Introductions will be easy the rest of their life if it’s second nature as a child. They need activities in mind and offer them to their guest. That way the favorite toy and be put up and they can still be a good host and follow what their guest would like. They need practice in offering beverages and snacks. It shouldn’t be all up to Mom. Let them know ahead of time what to offer and let them do it. Hospitality for your kids doesn’t normally come naturally. Teach them. Practice before they have a friend over. You be the guest and coach them.
by Christina Renee | Children
Here are 10 dos and don’ts when an adult child move back home and these are the things I’ve learned through trial and error.
Dos
- Treat them like an adult- When an adult child moves home your first feelings are that they are still my child. They are, but they are an adult in their own right. Let them be an adult still. Make their own decisions whenever possible.
- Chore time- Yes, they should still be required to help around the house but make it appropriate to their age. I give my school aged children set chores for the month. I make a list of chores that are flexible and more grown up and asked her to pick 2 a day. It’s still helping but they are picking their own chores and time.
- Ask for their opinion- Just because they moved back home, doesn’t mean they don’t have good advice.
- Let them contribute– If they offer to help and really want to, let them. Adult children need to feel they are making a contribution. I’ve been taken to appointments, errands and many other things. I could do it alone, but it’s easier with them and I get nice conversation too.
- Expect common curtesy- Manners are manners no matter what the age.
- Help them achieve their goals- Adult children need to have goals, either job, getting their own place, going back to school, etc. You may have your own goals too. Set down and talk about them together. Figure out steps to achieve them and how much oversight, if any, is needed or wanted.
Dont’s
- Don’t micromanage- While they need to fit into your household now they also need to be in charge of their own lives. Don’t smother your adult child. Yes, I do think you need to set boundaries, it is still your house. Dinner is at such and such time vs eat your broccoli.
- Don’t make them feel bad for having to move home- Your adult child feels bad enough without you telling them so. Enough said.
- Don’t take advantage- While they should help, they have their own lives too. Give them time to look for jobs, see friends, and veg too. They still have a life separate from yours.
- Don’t offer to much advice – Wait until you are asked. They are used to making their own decisions. I tell my children they can always ask but I try really hard not to give unsolicited advice.
I hope these are helpful so you don’t make many of the same mistakes. What tips do you have for adult children moving back home?
by Christina Renee | Family, Parenting
First, I want to say my children do not always speak kindly to one another. It is a work in progress.
Don’t Let Them Be Unkind
I do not let them tease or put down each other. They have to say 3 things nice about that sibling when I hear them saying it. Yes, it is a lot of work that way. And like pulling teeth to get the compliments for the other brother or sister they have offended. Plus they can have really lame remarks like ” I like that you’re the youngest.” I am sure that I don’t get every time they are unkind but they are more careful since they don’t know when Mom is listening.
Guard Our Tongues
We have also talked about guarding their tongues. I used an illistration of doors you have to go through to make sure it’s appropriate. An obstacle course was used when we first demonstrated the obstacles we had to think through before we spoke.
Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it nessasary?
Children went under a door for is it true. Over a chair for is it kind. And jumped over a large stuffed animal for is it nessasary. We discussed saying unnessasry things being said, even if it was kind and true, was like jumping on the stuffed animal and hurting it. The same way saying unnessasary things hurt others feelings.
Repeat, Repeat, Repeat
These are the things we have to guard when we speak. Some many times I’ve reprimanded a child for saying something and the retort is “But it’s true!” But it also has to be nessasary and kind. Be prepared to go over and over this again. It’s also a good reminder for myself. This is something I have to be viligant about. I have to think before I speak so I do not wound my childs spirit. I have to listen and be ready to correct them with kindness, And I have to
by Christina Renee | Parenting, Uncategorized
Going Home
When getting ready for baby a big part of planning is going home. You will have visitors. Don’t be afraid to tell them it’s not a good time. And when those visitors do come, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Yes they want to hold the baby but they also want you to feel cared for. A lot of people offer but are not quite sure what needs done. Have a list, laundry folded, dishes, etc.
Rest
Get your rest. You are responsible for someone else now and they need you to be rested too. Nap when the baby naps. Now you won’t need to nap every time but make it a point to get at least one good nap a day in.
Relationships
Your relationship with your honey will change. Make sure you both get some time alone, even if it’s just to take a hot bath at first. You’ll need that to recharge. You can’t give from an empty cup. Fill yours up.
Get time together too. Try and get an adult date in but don’t be surprised if you spend most of your time talking about the baby. You’ll get in a new rythym together. You don’t even have to go out. Have a date night in.
Be Safe but not Fearful
There is all these new things are not supposed to do. Use commom sense. I am not telling you to throw everything you are told but all my children are fine and I never once heated up a lunch meat sandwich.
You Don’t Need Everything
I know many book tell you an abundance of baby needs. Have you ever seen a comercial that contrasts the first baby with 2nd or 3rd babies, HUGE difference. Getting ready for baby does include a lot of stuff, just not as much as you read about.
A few things I loved: a sling, baby loves being close to mom and you have your hands free. And you can use them a long while.
A swing when they are little or a bouncy seat. These only get used a few months but they can be life savers. They only need a few toys and lots of love and cuddles.
It Goes Quick
While there are times when it seems like they will be crying (I had 3 with colic) or you will be changing diapers forever, it goes much faster than you think it will. My youngest is now 10 but at one point we had 5 children 6 and under. Wow, looking back, I’m not sure how we did it but I do know it went fast. I look back on pictures of when they were young and it seems like forever ago. Savor the times you have now. It’s gone really fast.
Here is a link to part 1 if you found this helpful.
by Christina Renee | Children, Parenting
My daughter is due for her first baby next month. As a grandma, I am excited and I love when my girls call with parenting questions. Here are some things to do for getting ready for baby before the birth. In part 2 we’ll talk about the after.
Take Care of Yourself
While there are a multitude of things to get done; take frequent naps. Getting sleep the last few weeks is hard. Taking naps can help, a lot. A tired mommy is usually a crabby mommy too. Everything always looks worse when you’re tired so getting enough rest before baby comes is crucial. You sure won’t make it up later.
Get a haircut, a mani-pedi or whatever you like to do to look your best. If your anything like I was, you probably feel fat and totally uncomfortable. A new look help perk you up and makes you feel better about those soon to be new baby photo shots.
Pack your Bag Early
Make sure you have roomy, comfy clothes to go home in that make you feel good. Your skinny jeans won’t fit for a while and with everything leaking you’ll be glad for that pretty top that makes you feel good. A few things not on most list I learned were helpful. I packed a diffuser, You can’t bring candles and that hospital smell is blech! Music, tinted lip balm- I love Burts Bees, face wipes and moisturizer. Don’t forget your favorite shower gel just keep odors light for baby. Remember a few things for dad too. A clean shirt, non-smelly snacks and change for the vending machine.
Home and Food
Get your home ready. I know nesting comes in the last couple of months so use the time wisely. Pace yourself. Don’t empty all the cupboards or closets at once. You’ll get tired and sit down and cry looking at all the mess. Do one small area at a time.
Cook ahead and stock up. I tried to plan out the first 2 months of meals for when I was home with the new baby. You don’t need to spend as much time in the kitchen when you could be cuddling or napping. I love New Leaf Wellness for her great meals that are crockpot ready. I still do these now, when a cut of meat goes on sale I make 4 usually, one for dinner 3 for the freezer. That keeps a variety and since I’m always buying at sale prices it’s reasonable.
At the Hospital
Ask the nurses. They’ve heard everything. They’ll be able to give you all kinds of tips. Move around, you can get achy staying in one spot and hospital beds are not really comfortable. Don’t expect everything on your birthing plan to go just right. It won’t. Expect some change up. Tomorrow I’ll have part 2.
by Christina Renee | Children, Family
Every sitcom you’ve ever seen has a stereotype as brothers and sisters as rivals, to be made fun of, laughed at or a scapegoat. I say this is untrue. Your children can be each others best friends. That’s not to say that they’ll always like each other or never fight. But they’ll always have each others back and know they can count on each other. There are things you as a mom can do to help encourage this.
Encourage Them to be Best Friends
You can encourage them to be closer. I tell my children they are the only ones who will know them their entire life and will be there for them. They are someone you can always call and they’ll be there for you. They back each other up. They’ll still tease one another, but no one else better. If there’s a crisis or a move, they’re there. If one sibling says a mean thing to another, I make them say 3 nice things to them. When they have a bad day, I ask the others to cheer them up.
Spend Time Together
My older children stop by often, especially at mealtime. After they move out, they miss mom’s cooking. But they also spend time with their siblings. Our oldest son has been rotating his Saturday’s spending one on one time. Some he has more in common with than others but, they still get time together. The older girls often get together for lunch, sometimes I go too. They talk hours on the phone. We celebrate together. Last Saturday the other 6 sisters gave their very pregnant sister a baby shower. Last year it was the same thing for a different sister. We’ve mourned together. Funerals, sickness, house fires, miscarries, and disappointments. Knowing they have someone and call in times of trouble is huge.
Have Fun
Best Friends have fun together. Play games, karaoke, laugh, sing. I drove to Florida with our children and we sang most of the way. Ran at every rest stop and told stories. When we get together they often tell embarrassing
