Here are 10 dos and don’ts when an adult child move back home and these are the things I’ve learned through trial and error.
- Treat them like an adult- When an adult child moves home your first feelings are that they are still my child. They are, but they are an adult in their own right. Let them be an adult still. Make their own decisions whenever possible.
- Chore time- Yes, they should still be required to help around the house but make it appropriate to their age. I give my school aged children set chores for the month. I make a list of chores that are flexible and more grown up and asked her to pick 2 a day. It’s still helping but they are picking their own chores and time.
- Ask for their opinion- Just because they moved back home, doesn’t mean they don’t have good advice.
- Let them contribute– If they offer to help and really want to, let them. Adult children need to feel they are making a contribution. I’ve been taken to appointments, errands and many other things. I could do it alone, but it’s easier with them and I get nice conversation too.
- Expect common curtesy- Manners are manners no matter what the age.
- Help them achieve their goals- Adult children need to have goals, either job, getting their own place, going back to school, etc. You may have your own goals too. Set down and talk about them together. Figure out steps to achieve them and how much oversight, if any, is needed or wanted.
- Don’t micromanage- While they need to fit into your household now they also need to be in charge of their own lives. Don’t smother your adult child. Yes, I do think you need to set boundaries, it is still your house. Dinner is at such and such time vs eat your broccoli.
- Don’t make them feel bad for having to move home- Your adult child feels bad enough without you telling them so. Enough said.
- Don’t take advantage- While they should help, they have their own lives too. Give them time to look for jobs, see friends, and veg too. They still have a life separate from yours.
- Don’t offer to much advice – Wait until you are asked. They are used to making their own decisions. I tell my children they can always ask but I try really hard not to give unsolicited advice.
I hope these are helpful so you don’t make many of the same mistakes. What tips do you have for adult children moving back home?