by Christina Renee | Children, Home
We have an open door policy. I told a friend today it’s a revolving door policy. But hospitality for your kids is just as important as for adults. For one thing, I know where my children are and what they are doing. But this is also an important thing for them to learn so they can implement that in their lives when they’re older.
Activies
Have things for them that aren’t vidio games if possible. We don’t even have one, but I don’t think that they are conductive to conversation. That could be just my own pet peeve but I don’t like them so engrossed in video games they forget people. We have a large number of games, both board games and cards. Look up new card game rules online when we don’t know them. Have puzzles and I love printing off questions for dinner conversations that often branch off in other areas. We do watch movies together but their favorite is theme movie/dinners. Which leads to…
Food
Theme dinners are their very favorite. We love to pair dinner and a movie. I know one of the things is eating in the living room. Be creative. Cheaper by the Dozen – franks and beans. We had a Transformer party with all the hats, plates and renamed food. You don’t have to keep the same name for dishes. We have a Grinch party every year- It’s my daughters favorite. Grinch droppings are peas. Mistle toes are chicken fingers. Roast beast- I’m sure you can guess.
We always have popcorn available and it’s ok to serve water any time. You don’t have to go overboard. Make and freeze cookie dough in advance so it’s ready for last minute. Make sure and mark it something unappetizing like liver or chicken feet. They’ll never touch it. For dinners, with teens and boys, just make sure there’s an abundance. Spagetti, chili, soups, and casseroles all stretch far and fills them up. I always have bread of some kind too. And very few will say no to dessert even if it’s thrown together, a boxed mix or even simply fruit.
Manners
Now is a good time to practice those company manners. Go over it with them ahead of time. Introductions will be easy the rest of their life if it’s second nature as a child. They need activities in mind and offer them to their guest. That way the favorite toy and be put up and they can still be a good host and follow what their guest would like. They need practice in offering beverages and snacks. It shouldn’t be all up to Mom. Let them know ahead of time what to offer and let them do it. Hospitality for your kids doesn’t normally come naturally. Teach them. Practice before they have a friend over. You be the guest and coach them.
by Christina Renee | Children
Here are 10 dos and don’ts when an adult child move back home and these are the things I’ve learned through trial and error.
Dos
- Treat them like an adult- When an adult child moves home your first feelings are that they are still my child. They are, but they are an adult in their own right. Let them be an adult still. Make their own decisions whenever possible.
- Chore time- Yes, they should still be required to help around the house but make it appropriate to their age. I give my school aged children set chores for the month. I make a list of chores that are flexible and more grown up and asked her to pick 2 a day. It’s still helping but they are picking their own chores and time.
- Ask for their opinion- Just because they moved back home, doesn’t mean they don’t have good advice.
- Let them contribute– If they offer to help and really want to, let them. Adult children need to feel they are making a contribution. I’ve been taken to appointments, errands and many other things. I could do it alone, but it’s easier with them and I get nice conversation too.
- Expect common curtesy- Manners are manners no matter what the age.
- Help them achieve their goals- Adult children need to have goals, either job, getting their own place, going back to school, etc. You may have your own goals too. Set down and talk about them together. Figure out steps to achieve them and how much oversight, if any, is needed or wanted.
Dont’s
- Don’t micromanage- While they need to fit into your household now they also need to be in charge of their own lives. Don’t smother your adult child. Yes, I do think you need to set boundaries, it is still your house. Dinner is at such and such time vs eat your broccoli.
- Don’t make them feel bad for having to move home- Your adult child feels bad enough without you telling them so. Enough said.
- Don’t take advantage- While they should help, they have their own lives too. Give them time to look for jobs, see friends, and veg too. They still have a life separate from yours.
- Don’t offer to much advice – Wait until you are asked. They are used to making their own decisions. I tell my children they can always ask but I try really hard not to give unsolicited advice.
I hope these are helpful so you don’t make many of the same mistakes. What tips do you have for adult children moving back home?
by Christina Renee | Children, Parenting
My daughter is due for her first baby next month. As a grandma, I am excited and I love when my girls call with parenting questions. Here are some things to do for getting ready for baby before the birth. In part 2 we’ll talk about the after.
Take Care of Yourself
While there are a multitude of things to get done; take frequent naps. Getting sleep the last few weeks is hard. Taking naps can help, a lot. A tired mommy is usually a crabby mommy too. Everything always looks worse when you’re tired so getting enough rest before baby comes is crucial. You sure won’t make it up later.
Get a haircut, a mani-pedi or whatever you like to do to look your best. If your anything like I was, you probably feel fat and totally uncomfortable. A new look help perk you up and makes you feel better about those soon to be new baby photo shots.
Pack your Bag Early
Make sure you have roomy, comfy clothes to go home in that make you feel good. Your skinny jeans won’t fit for a while and with everything leaking you’ll be glad for that pretty top that makes you feel good. A few things not on most list I learned were helpful. I packed a diffuser, You can’t bring candles and that hospital smell is blech! Music, tinted lip balm- I love Burts Bees, face wipes and moisturizer. Don’t forget your favorite shower gel just keep odors light for baby. Remember a few things for dad too. A clean shirt, non-smelly snacks and change for the vending machine.
Home and Food
Get your home ready. I know nesting comes in the last couple of months so use the time wisely. Pace yourself. Don’t empty all the cupboards or closets at once. You’ll get tired and sit down and cry looking at all the mess. Do one small area at a time.
Cook ahead and stock up. I tried to plan out the first 2 months of meals for when I was home with the new baby. You don’t need to spend as much time in the kitchen when you could be cuddling or napping. I love New Leaf Wellness for her great meals that are crockpot ready. I still do these now, when a cut of meat goes on sale I make 4 usually, one for dinner 3 for the freezer. That keeps a variety and since I’m always buying at sale prices it’s reasonable.
At the Hospital
Ask the nurses. They’ve heard everything. They’ll be able to give you all kinds of tips. Move around, you can get achy staying in one spot and hospital beds are not really comfortable. Don’t expect everything on your birthing plan to go just right. It won’t. Expect some change up. Tomorrow I’ll have part 2.
by Christina Renee | Children, Family
Every sitcom you’ve ever seen has a stereotype as brothers and sisters as rivals, to be made fun of, laughed at or a scapegoat. I say this is untrue. Your children can be each others best friends. That’s not to say that they’ll always like each other or never fight. But they’ll always have each others back and know they can count on each other. There are things you as a mom can do to help encourage this.
Encourage Them to be Best Friends
You can encourage them to be closer. I tell my children they are the only ones who will know them their entire life and will be there for them. They are someone you can always call and they’ll be there for you. They back each other up. They’ll still tease one another, but no one else better. If there’s a crisis or a move, they’re there. If one sibling says a mean thing to another, I make them say 3 nice things to them. When they have a bad day, I ask the others to cheer them up.
Spend Time Together
My older children stop by often, especially at mealtime. After they move out, they miss mom’s cooking. But they also spend time with their siblings. Our oldest son has been rotating his Saturday’s spending one on one time. Some he has more in common with than others but, they still get time together. The older girls often get together for lunch, sometimes I go too. They talk hours on the phone. We celebrate together. Last Saturday the other 6 sisters gave their very pregnant sister a baby shower. Last year it was the same thing for a different sister. We’ve mourned together. Funerals, sickness, house fires, miscarries, and disappointments. Knowing they have someone and call in times of trouble is huge.
Have Fun
Best Friends have fun together. Play games, karaoke, laugh, sing. I drove to Florida with our children and we sang most of the way. Ran at every rest stop and told stories. When we get together they often tell embarrassing
by Christina Renee | Children, Parenting, Thoughts
Schedule It
With 10 children it was hard to spend time alone with each one but it can be done. (Okay, we didn’t have all 10 at home at once, but 8 was common.) So what’s a mom to do to make each one feel special? Right now it’s pretty easy, we only have 3 at home. I know, some of you are saying only! In 4 Tips for School Days I told you how all my children got up at the same time and yet left at different times. That’s when I spend time with my youngest daughter. We have a bout 40 minutes all to ourselves. My oldest daughter at home gets home an hour earlier than the others and we have some time then, most days.
You can’t make your teens talk to you but you can make yourself available so when they’re ready they know you’re there for them. It takes a lot of time of small talk for them to open their heart to you. My son’s time is doing homework together. He rarely needs help now at 10 but he does like the one on one and talks about a lot of things besides homework. Some days he’ll even cuddle.
Rotate
When we did have many more children, errands were a good time time for time alone. I know errands right, how wants to do those? But they had to be done and there’s always a time to sit in the food court (unless you’re at Aldi’s) and have a Coke and listen. I’ve rotated whose turn it was and so dod my husband so each had alone time with each of us.
Be Open
I get up early and sometimes someone will come in and talk. I could guard this as “my time” and shoo them away but sometimes they want to talk then. With teens and young adults it’s usually late at night. I really like to get up early and my husband gets up at 4 to go to work so we don’t usually stay up late but there are times we give up sleep to be available for late night chats.
Adult Children
Now with most of my children grown I get a lot of phone calls. Some late night texts. I try to listen without stepping on toes. We meet for lunch at times, sometimes all of us girls. My 5 oldest are all girls. What fun! I have told them I’d love for them to ask for advice any time but I’ll do my best not to give it if they don’t. Most times all they need is a sounding board. I do love it when they call and ask for help, advice, even just a recipe.
Be There
The most important thing is that your child know you’ll be there. We have an open door policy for the most part. There are times we really don’t want the entire neighborhood here but most times I’d rather have them here than somewhere I don’t know. A lot of teens have talked and said they don’t talk with their parents. I’ve gotten calls from them asking advice, I do give some but always try and turn them back to their own parents.
I know it takes time, I know you’re tired, I know sometimes you have other plans or would rather sleep. But this is important! If they can’t talk to you, they will talk to some else! I have failed at times, we all do. Just start over. Children want to know you want to spend time with them. Do you have ways to spend time alone with your child?
by Christina Renee | Children, Meals, Parenting, Simplify
While at my physical therapy appointment, we were talking about about school day mornings. She was saying about how difficult is was to serve breakfast at 2 separate times and get herself and the kids out the door on time. I have children in 3 different schools, all with separate times. We do not serve 3 separate breakfasts.
The Night Before
All great morning routines start with a great night time routine in place. At least a little. Backpacks and shoes need to be in their proper places. My son hangs both his backpack and jacket on hooks on the side of the shelves in his room. The girls stow theirs in their closet. All papers need to be signed the night before and any thing needed in their back packs. Clothes need to be laid out for the next day. Bedtimes need to be observed. We have 2 times we count down to. Each of them have separate times based on age but all of them have 1 time to be in bed and they get an additional 1/2 hour to read before lights out. This keeps them reading, because what child doesn’t want a later bedtime. It also gives them time to slow down.
Rise and Shine
All the children get up at the same time. No matter what time they go to school they all get up at the same time. I usually get up at least an hour before the children. (Unless sick or recuperating.) I have time to dress, quiet time and make my bed before they even get up. I can get them ready without it but I am not nearly as cheerful. My children all have their own alarms and get themselves up. Toward the end of the week I sometimes hear the alarm go off a little lot longer than normal and I have to go in and prod encourage them to get out of bed. Then they have to get dressed, brush teeth and hopefully make their bed. I’ll be honest, their beds don’t get made nearly as much as I would like.
Plan Ahead for Breakfast
Then they need a good healthy breakfast to eat. I try to freezer cook ahead of time so the days that are busy, I’ve fallen behind or just chaotic are covered. Mornings fit all 3. This is not to say I never cook breakfast but I try to prepare for the mornings I don’t want to. I have made quiche (or any other breakfast casserole) in the freezer and I put it in the oven as soon as I wake up, then get ready. I have assorted muffins, (pancake, blueberry, egg, banana, etc) that they can pull out and are microwaved. Waffles can be put in the toaster or boiled eggs in the fridge. I also have mini mixes that just feed one that you can make in under a minute. I have also done crock pot meals for breakfast. Egg casseroles, different flavors of oatmeal, tapioca, “fried potatoes” with eggs. Preparing ahead makes breakfast a snap.
Out the Door
Watch the clock to make sure no one is late to school. We also have an app at our school and it emails you when the bus is near. Have everything together to make getting to the bus stop easy. Then I have time for a cup of tea and a chat with my youngest daughter whose bus is later than the rest. What have you done to make school mornings easier?
