by Christina Renee | Health
Going, Going, Gone
I have Charcot, a bone disease that destroys the bones in my foot and ankle. The doctor described it as a crush injury because the bones just disintegrate. This is a disease that keeps taking things away. Living with Charcot is painful.
Bones have been gone, I’ve lost several and the ones left fuse together.
Lacking mobility, in the acute phase I use a knee scooter or a wheelchair. My foot won’t flex the way it used to either because of the ways the bones have fused. I have to watch the amount I walk and sit to do a lot of tasks.
Gone is the ability to do most exercise. I can’t do most cardio, never a treadmill again. I had almost all the Walk the Away Pounds dvds and loved them but they’re not allowed any more. No walking around the neighborhood. I can use a stationary bike or swim IF I don’t have any open wounds, which is rare.
My fun, beautiful high heels I am no longer allowed to wear. Somehow, the men in my family don’t understand why this is a loss, but I am sure some of you do. I’m not comfortable wearing sandles either.
Gone are 2 toes from it. The cast rubbed all the skin off 4 toes and it wouldn’t grow back on two and there were bones showing through so they were amputated so my foot wouldn’t be. I do get to wear many colorful casts but it’s just not the same.
Missing Pieces
I’ve had so many bits chipped away it feels like I have had to reform just like my bones do as reshape and reform with the missing pieces of bone. I’m having to reform my life with the missing bits too.
I now have a special boot for my foot when the Charcot is flared up or had been recently. I have special insoles and shoes for when it’s in remission. Living with Charcot never completely goes away.
Flexibility and Help
I’m learning to be a lot more flexible. I love making plans but my plans and what my body can actually do that day are many days two different things.
Learning to accept help is hard. And to ask for it. It was always so easy to volunteer help but not nearly as easy to take it. It is very humbling to be pushed in a wheelchair, especially by your 73 year old mother.
I’ve learned to lean more heavily on God, from crying out in prayer and many whys, and learning to accept. God has been my Rock to lean on.
I hope you do not have a disease that chips away, but you may have something else that takes pieces from you. Something that makes you feel you may never be whole again. God heals the broken pieces inside. He restores my soul. And He is ready to help you too.
by Christina Renee | Health, Thoughts
God is my refuge and my strength;
an ever-present help in a time of trouble.
Psalm 46:1
I spent 4 days in the hospital. Severe asthma, bronchitis, sinusitis, iv steroids. I have had enough steroids to make the Incredible Hulk seem benign. And this is the 2nd time in the hospital in just over 3 months. The hospital was a safe place to be and recuperate, a refuge. But my refuge, Who I run to over and over is not a place but a Person. My God. I have not been strong through this but He is. I struggled simply to breathe. God was my all. When I struggle to breathe, my thoughts are fairly consumed with all God can do. That even though hospitals are a great help, He is my Healer. He is my strength and refuge.
Jehovah Rophi– God Who Heals.
Ever Present
I need to make God present in every thought , not just when sick or in times of trouble, although that is an easy time to think of Him. Didn’t we as children run to Mom or Dad when we had a problem? Why is it so easy to just go on with our days without a thought when things are going well? Why do I want to be so self sufficient? Only God is sufficient. When I depend only on myself, I will always fail. Sure, maybe not at first. But I will eventually fall. God alone is my strength and refuge. He never fails. Do you tend to rely on yourself? Is your self worth related to all you can do? I know that I have been there. Right now I am in a wheelchair. I hate being pushed around by other people. I feel like a toddler “I want to do it myself!” Not just because of the embarrassment but because it’s hard to be dependent. But I already am, I just have to admit it. Do you struggle with this? How do you keep your reliance on God ?
by Christina Renee | Health, Thoughts
I had great plans this summer. Print outs of summer Bingo, daily plans, foodie plans and fun field trips. We have done none of these. I first had a cast, that means no trips to the beach, or the pool. It’s non weight bearing so no walking trips. I have a knee scooter which will not fit in my car and we borrowed a wheelchair which doesn’t roll on grass. That did leave library trips. Then I spent 3 days in the hospital for tests in June unexpectedly, which leaves me with 10 hugs a day minimum from my very now clingy daughter. I went to the doctor Wednesday to find out I was having surgery to amputate 2 toes that had been infected for more than 2 months. More time down. I had all these great plans to make up for the last few summers that I was also down. This is the 4th summer with major health problems that limited what I could do. And I was sure this year was different. I was sure after how terrible the last few summers were this would be the one where I could take my children to the beach, to the pool, on field trips and just plain have fun. God has other plans.
Great Plans
I have great plans for you, plans for hope and a future. While we might not know and understand the plans God has, He knows. He sees the big picture while I can only see this is one more thing I have had to cancel. He sees our hurts and disappointments, He knows the whys we ask. I wish I did. We have still had fun. My older children have made it a point to take my younger children swimming. My children home have been so kind about pushing the wheel chair and bringing me things. They’ve been gracious about what I can’t do. There’s a lot they’ve learned that weren’t on any of the plans I’d made. So we’re learning to follow plans unmade.
