by Christina Renee | Children, Parenting, Thoughts
Schedule It
With 10 children it was hard to spend time alone with each one but it can be done. (Okay, we didn’t have all 10 at home at once, but 8 was common.) So what’s a mom to do to make each one feel special? Right now it’s pretty easy, we only have 3 at home. I know, some of you are saying only! In 4 Tips for School Days I told you how all my children got up at the same time and yet left at different times. That’s when I spend time with my youngest daughter. We have a bout 40 minutes all to ourselves. My oldest daughter at home gets home an hour earlier than the others and we have some time then, most days.
You can’t make your teens talk to you but you can make yourself available so when they’re ready they know you’re there for them. It takes a lot of time of small talk for them to open their heart to you. My son’s time is doing homework together. He rarely needs help now at 10 but he does like the one on one and talks about a lot of things besides homework. Some days he’ll even cuddle.
Rotate
When we did have many more children, errands were a good time time for time alone. I know errands right, how wants to do those? But they had to be done and there’s always a time to sit in the food court (unless you’re at Aldi’s) and have a Coke and listen. I’ve rotated whose turn it was and so dod my husband so each had alone time with each of us.
Be Open
I get up early and sometimes someone will come in and talk. I could guard this as “my time” and shoo them away but sometimes they want to talk then. With teens and young adults it’s usually late at night. I really like to get up early and my husband gets up at 4 to go to work so we don’t usually stay up late but there are times we give up sleep to be available for late night chats.
Adult Children
Now with most of my children grown I get a lot of phone calls. Some late night texts. I try to listen without stepping on toes. We meet for lunch at times, sometimes all of us girls. My 5 oldest are all girls. What fun! I have told them I’d love for them to ask for advice any time but I’ll do my best not to give it if they don’t. Most times all they need is a sounding board. I do love it when they call and ask for help, advice, even just a recipe.
Be There
The most important thing is that your child know you’ll be there. We have an open door policy for the most part. There are times we really don’t want the entire neighborhood here but most times I’d rather have them here than somewhere I don’t know. A lot of teens have talked and said they don’t talk with their parents. I’ve gotten calls from them asking advice, I do give some but always try and turn them back to their own parents.
I know it takes time, I know you’re tired, I know sometimes you have other plans or would rather sleep. But this is important! If they can’t talk to you, they will talk to some else! I have failed at times, we all do. Just start over. Children want to know you want to spend time with them. Do you have ways to spend time alone with your child?
by Christina Renee | Children, Meals, Parenting, Simplify
While at my physical therapy appointment, we were talking about about school day mornings. She was saying about how difficult is was to serve breakfast at 2 separate times and get herself and the kids out the door on time. I have children in 3 different schools, all with separate times. We do not serve 3 separate breakfasts.
The Night Before
All great morning routines start with a great night time routine in place. At least a little. Backpacks and shoes need to be in their proper places. My son hangs both his backpack and jacket on hooks on the side of the shelves in his room. The girls stow theirs in their closet. All papers need to be signed the night before and any thing needed in their back packs. Clothes need to be laid out for the next day. Bedtimes need to be observed. We have 2 times we count down to. Each of them have separate times based on age but all of them have 1 time to be in bed and they get an additional 1/2 hour to read before lights out. This keeps them reading, because what child doesn’t want a later bedtime. It also gives them time to slow down.
Rise and Shine
All the children get up at the same time. No matter what time they go to school they all get up at the same time. I usually get up at least an hour before the children. (Unless sick or recuperating.) I have time to dress, quiet time and make my bed before they even get up. I can get them ready without it but I am not nearly as cheerful. My children all have their own alarms and get themselves up. Toward the end of the week I sometimes hear the alarm go off a little lot longer than normal and I have to go in and prod encourage them to get out of bed. Then they have to get dressed, brush teeth and hopefully make their bed. I’ll be honest, their beds don’t get made nearly as much as I would like.
Plan Ahead for Breakfast
Then they need a good healthy breakfast to eat. I try to freezer cook ahead of time so the days that are busy, I’ve fallen behind or just chaotic are covered. Mornings fit all 3. This is not to say I never cook breakfast but I try to prepare for the mornings I don’t want to. I have made quiche (or any other breakfast casserole) in the freezer and I put it in the oven as soon as I wake up, then get ready. I have assorted muffins, (pancake, blueberry, egg, banana, etc) that they can pull out and are microwaved. Waffles can be put in the toaster or boiled eggs in the fridge. I also have mini mixes that just feed one that you can make in under a minute. I have also done crock pot meals for breakfast. Egg casseroles, different flavors of oatmeal, tapioca, “fried potatoes” with eggs. Preparing ahead makes breakfast a snap.
Out the Door
Watch the clock to make sure no one is late to school. We also have an app at our school and it emails you when the bus is near. Have everything together to make getting to the bus stop easy. Then I have time for a cup of tea and a chat with my youngest daughter whose bus is later than the rest. What have you done to make school mornings easier?
by Christina Renee | Family, Parenting, Thoughts
It is so easy to go through the days with the hugs and kisses from the little ones in the house. And I can be so overwhelmed with kisses that I can neglect it with the older ones unless I am thinking about it. My 3 that are 10 and under come up to me every day with hugs, kisses and cuddles.
Right now my 7 and 4 year olds are there a lot since they are a little insecure about Mom being sick and have been in the hospital and away from them. Serene would sit most of her time right next to me, on top of me even if she could, just to be as close as possible.
Older Children
So I have been making a point of giving my older children extra attention too. My 2 older sons 12 and 14 next week aren’t as demonstrative unless I initiate it. I pat them on the back or shoulder, give them hugs, ask for a kiss and give them one when they or I am leaving, ruffle their hair. I can see them responding even thought they were still at first.
How did I get out of the habit? By not making it a priority, I was getting all the hugs from the younger group and didn’t notice. I have to tell you though it isn’t as easy as it sounds.
Checklists
I have checklists to get thought the day, right now I am very forgetful. So I have my children on a checklist for me too. Did I say something positive to encourage this child today? Did I hug him or her? Which one needs some special mom time? I have to write it down or I forget. Some would thing it is because I have 10 children but I wasn’t always this forgetful. My husband thinks it’s all the meds I’m on. And yes, I have him on the list too. With older daughters it is easier, they accept hugs easier although one daughter I always have to point to my cheek at night after I hug and kiss her for a kiss back. She just grins and kisses me. I know she loves me , she is my daughter who is always bringing me hot tea too. So try and make the effort if you’ve gotten out of the habit.
Older children need this too but just don’t want to show it. I have so many things pulling at my time and energy this can easily fall by the wayside if I don’t plan for it. So make good use of your time even if you have to use a chart to do it.
by Christina Renee | Family, Parenting
It can be so easy to call to our children to tell them to do this or that. To have them change what they are doing or not by directing them by command or statement. But with most excellent parents I know, I don’t hear these from them. It is almost imperceptible how they are directing their children. A look, a nod in one direction and the child goes off and does what is needed.
Did you know the best horse trainers you can almost never see them directing their horse. A nudge with a knee, a slight pull on the reigns and this animal knows where it is supposed to go. Now I am not saying our children should be trained like animals, far from it. But it this behavior can be trained in horses, than how much better our children can be in this area.
Sit Training
Now, the parents I spoke of did not get this way overnight. It took training when they were young and at home. I know other mothers who don’t think children can sit in church. But I know it can be done. We have done it. However, we don’t practice at church, we practice first at home. I remember many times either my husband and I watching our younger children that we put in a row on the couch with a talking tape on and they practiced siting, and not squirming. But they were quite able to manage it. Even at a young age. We have also practiced blanket time and quiet time. We start with practicing 15 minutes a day and work our way up to more than an hour.
Quiet Time
Right now we (or at least I) have a lot of quiet time in our home. Because I again have laryngitis. So I am practicing directing my children quietly. With most of them it is working well. We still have holdout but mama is more stubborn than he is so we will continue working at it. This is not just for my benefit, or the benefit of having a quieter home. Although with 10 people living here it is seldom quiet. Even soft voices multiplies by 10 is still noisy. This is for their benefit. Because if they can’t hear mom’s quiet voice, how will they hear God’s. And this is the voice I want them to ultimately listen for and to hear.
by Christina Renee | Family, Parenting
It is very easy to get caught up in feeding our children, clothing,educating, training , teaching, and on and on. This this is endless. But to cherish them is a different time and effort.
Cherish
Webster’s defines cherish as to hold dear, to show affection for, to keep or cultivate with care. It is more being than doing. It is taking the time from the lists of things to do and simply share in your child’s sense of wonder. My “littles” are now 4 and 6. Where did the time go? I take great delight in watching them enjoy life.
My husband bought some new swings for the swing set yesterday. My 4 year old was off running. I heard him yell”thanks, Dad” as he ran as fast as he could to keep up with the rest to play on the new swings. Of course, they weren’t up yet. But the look on his face was wonderful to see. My 6 year old loves to sit on my lap and I type one handed at the keyboard still and loves to sing. I see my now 10 year old daughter looking so grown up but still loves Mom to brush her hair.
Time Speeds By
In the movie Yours, Mine and Ours (one of my favorite, the one with Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball) the most poignant line is when she is writing to her husband away at sea. “The days seem long but the weeks stream by.” I remember when I had 5 children 6 and under, it seemed like the days would never end and I would collapse into bed at the end of the day. As older mothers would say, you’ll miss this one day. I do. I don’t have the energy I did with my older children, but I wouldn’t give it up for the wisdom I have gained. Although, it certainly would be nice if my children would share a little of theirs. I stop more and look and listen. I love to watch them. That used to feel like a waste of time, to just sit and watch. But as time keeps speeding up I don a lot more of that. Some from less energy and I hope some from just being wiser.
Today I have a list of things to do. But one thing on that list is a hot dog and marshmallow roast with my children, whether the rest of the list is done or not.
