One of the hardest things I’ve struggled with is not feeling confident as a mom while sick. I wouldn’t pick a mom with a disability for them. I wish my children had a better mom. One who could run and play with them. One who didn’t need to ask for as much help. Who could go away without having to bring a helper when they didn’t want to go.
How can I be a great mom while I’m in the hospital?
How can I be a good Mom from a wheelchair?
I’m not taking my younger children to the; zoo, museums, field trips, etc that I took my older children to. So does that make me a crappy mom?
How can I be a good Mom when I can’t go see the concerts, plays, football games because, with so many people around, I’d likely get sick. ( And this was before Covid!)
What if my child sees their friend’s parent and all they can do and ask why can’t my Mom do all that? Why do they have a mom with a disability?
I feel bad that I always have to bring one of my kids or my husband with me to get my wheelchair off the back of the car.
Do you hear any of these things or have your own I didn’t say? I know some of you do. I’ve talked to many moms who say the same things. And many of them are able-bodied!
You are Just the Mom Your Child Needs
God has entrusted you with your child. He loves your child even more than you do. God has lessons intended for your children that only you can teach them. When I feel like a burden, can also be used for growth in their lives. God could have chosen any mom for your children and He choose you. Remember that when your feelings don’t line up with the fact; God makes no mistakes.
Differences
My children are much more careful around people who are disabled. They are kinder and more aware of people and their differences around them. This not only includes physically disabled people but also the mentally disabled. People from all walks of life. People of different colors or the homeless or defenseless.
Kindness
While my children are not always kind, they do know how to be kind and do so frequently. They think of what will help me or someone else.
Helping
It’s not fun to have a Mom with a disability, but they help much more than most children do. I can’t sweep or vacuum, so that’s their chores. I have trouble getting all the laundry done since my chair won’t fit in the laundry room. They bring it to me and I fold it. And just think about going away! Loading and unloading my chair and being a companion so I can go out is definitely a biggie.
Modeling
While you are going through hard things, guess who’s watching closely? Your kids! They are watching to see how you handle whatever you are going through. My children have seen me through my struggles after my amputation surgery, and 2 subsequent ones for revisions. They see how you treat the people who help you; the nurses, doctors, physical therapists, even the orderlies or the person who brings you supper. How you act and treat people will be what they model. I always make sure to pray for a person God wants me to minister to while in the hospital.
Time Spent with Your Children
While spending your time with your children, your first thought may be of all the things you can’t do. But, it should be listing all the things you CAN do. We have a lot of one on one talks. Everyone loves at least some games. We watched movies, even when I was in the hospital. We walk and “roll.” They walk and I roll. Crafts, music, coloring, are just a few of the things I do with my children. What kinds of things do you like to do?
Faith
Do you praise God or curse him for what He’s done for you? I have a love/hate relationship with my wheelchair. I love that it gives me the freedom to go about places in my home or out but I really hate that I have to be in it. I look longingly ahead for when I will have a new body and can dance. Right now, I’d settle for being able to use my prosthetic. But how would your children describe your relationship with God? Do they know how much you love Him? Because of or in spite of your disability?
Grace
“the ability to live with uncertainty requires courage and the need to ask questions more than find answers.” Ester de Waal
Give yourself grace. God has abundant grace for you. . I’ll bet even your friends and family give you more grace than you do yourself. And give them grace too. Remember, it’s ok to not be okay when you are going through hard things. Just remember, your family is also going through hard things too. Give them space to question, time to think things through on their own, and after giving them the basics, depending on age, time to ask questions.
Don’t forget to give yourself time too. Even just to get through the day. I’m writing this to myself, also. I have to remind myself this weekly, daily, and, sometimes hourly.
What tips do you have to be a more confident mom with a disability?
Christina Renee
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