by Christina Renee | Family, Thoughts
Life Lessons for my Children
Right behind our apartment is a pond that leads into the river. In the spring we see swans and ducks. We see them hiding and sitting on eggs. Then, I love to watch them with their babies. I love watching the swans swimming with a line behind them. Even more I love watching the line of ducks with the mama duck and papa duck. One in front and one behind with a row of ducklings in between. Occasionally, I see them nudged back in place. I also have to nudge back in place my children to the life lessons that are important.
Be Kind
Kindness is vastly underrated. Show kindness to everyone you meet, whether they are the homeless person on the street or the richest person you know. Kindness is not determined by their stature in life but by your response. Even grouchy people need kindness, sometimes more than we know. I tell my children 2 of the most important traits when looking at other people for friends and later mates in life are kindness and laughter. Kindness lasts long after looks are gone and you can get through almost anything with a sense of humor.
Laugh
Just like kindness, laughter is a lifelong trait. Learn to laugh at yourself too. If it’s something that you know you will be laughing about in a while, laugh now. Find something to laugh about every day. Laughter is good medicine. It helps even in bad situations.
Don’t Compare Yourself to Others
There will always be someone who has it better than you. A bigger house, better job, a nicer car, they’re skinnier, curvier, more muscular, have more money. They will have more things, better health, taller, shorter. The opposite is also true. You will have more than someone else. Don’t compare. I know it’s hard. It will only make you feel bad. Don;t do it.
You’ll Have Your Heart Broken
As much as I might wish otherwise, you’ll have your heart broken. That does’t mean to wrap it up tight and protect it, as much as it seems easier. Love freely given is as much a gift to you as to the receiver. If you don’t keep your heart open you will miss something wonderful. Friends and family will hurt you without meaning to. Some will hurt you deliberately. You’ll fall in love, but they won’t. Disaster will strike and you’ll feel as if you can’t bear up under the loss. You can and you will. You have a lot of love to give and receive.
Work Hard
Work hard and enjoy it. Unfortunately, in this day and age it will set you apart. But all through life you will need to work, home or a job it has to be done. Isn’t it better to do it right than to do it over. Also enjoy it. You have to do it anyway, you might as well enjoy it.
Life isn’t Fair
If i had a quarter for every time I’ve heard “that’s not fair!” said in a very whiny voice, I’d be rich. But life isn’t fair. A lot of time it’s anything but fair. It can seem like someone else always has it easier, better, they have to do less and get more. Or have less chores. Smile.
You are Unique
There is only one you. Just like a snowflake is unique or the pedals in a flower, so are you . No one else is exactly like you. While you may look similar to someone from the outside your insides are different. The way you think, the things you feel, the things you love. You are special and there is only one you.
Be Loyal
Have you ever seen the Cheaper by the Dozen movie where the brothers and sisters are constantly picking on each other. But just let someone else pick on them and they all walk together to talk to the one person that was picking on their younger brother or sister. that seems very familiar in our house I remember instant when that very thing happened. I have always told my children that their brothers and sisters will be their best friends for life. I’ve tried to instill that in each other so that they know that they are someone that they can always count on. I know that their father and I will not always be there and they will need someone else. They will need someone that is loyal to them. I know they will probably also have family but a brother or sister is someone who is known them their whole life. You need to be loyal to the people in your life. Family you make and family you are born into.
Always Do Your Best
Whether anyone else around you is or not. Only you know if you’ve tried your hardest and done your best. And only you will have to live with your conscience and the consequences of those acts.
Beauty Starts From Within
Audrey Hepburn Quotes on Beauty. “The beauty in a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart; the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul.”
Have Faith
The only thing that is held me together while going through trials is knowing that I have faith in Jesus. Knowing that He is there to catch me when I fall and to listen when I fail. I know that I have eternal life Him. Knowing He is there for me is equivalent to having a safety net while falling from a tightrope. I can’t imagine what someone without faith would do. We would have no one to save us, nothing to believe in, no one who helps us through everything in life. My life is been saved miraculously when doctors gave no hope. I have felt His presence in my life and I want that for all my children.
Looking Ahead
As I try teaching life lessons for my children that I want them to take through in life I often wonder if I have succeeded. I look at my grown children and see certain areas for each one of them have flourished and sometimes areas they still need to grow. But I see things in these areas that I need to grow into. In some areas they have far surpassed me. We teach our children and as they grow they turn around and teach us too. What other life lessons do you deem important? What would you add? Do you see areas that you need to grow too? I know I do.
by Christina Renee | Children, Parenting
As I was talking recipes on the phone with my daughter, she was laughingly coaxing her 20 month old son to let go of her leg while cooking. So I shared my tips for toddlers in the kitchen that I had used when she and her siblings were little. It’s important that even toddlers feel helpful and included and as they get older they will actually be a help. You need to put the time in now and it’s almost all one way. I do think you get paid back in hugs and smiles. Then later they are a little help and at about age 10 or so it pays back in big dividends.
Their Own Place in the Kitchen
Have them their own cupboard for their dishes and Tupperware. I had small plastic or unbreakable dishware so that they could get their own dishes out. I also had a Tupperware ( mismatched) cabinet for them with wooden spoons so they could mix too. One child had a habit of crawling into it and playing in the cabinet instead of the Tupperware.
If They Can Get It Out, They Can Put It Away, with Help
Also, if they are old enough to get it out, they are old enough to put it back. Now please realize they are not actually just going to put it back. It is you getting on the floor with them and taking their little hand and showing them piece by piece how to put it back. Yes it will be incredibly faster if you do it yourself. However time spent investing teaching them will return many times over. Not only will they learn to be a help to you they will become wonderful self sufficient adults.
It Takes Longer
Add more time. For each child I added 15 minutes to whatever I was doing per child. That way they don’t think hurry up is your favorite phrase. You have time to enjoy the activity with them if you’re not thinking how far behind you are. When they are totally able to get themselves ready then you can subtract that 15 minutes.
Chair Time
High chair time. If you are working on the stove and can’t have them near, use the high chair. I’ve given them pudding to “paint” with on their chair. Remember, if they still put things in their mouth, then everything needs to be safe and edible. Edible play dough is great. 1/3 nut butter, 1/3 honey. 1/3 powdered milk. Put in a container and keep in the fridge. I’ve given them tape before rolled so it’s sticky on both sides and they move it from one hand to another. Some days the cost of a half roll of tape is worth 10 minutes. They can string cheerios on a spaghetti noodle or a piece of licorice.
Little Copycats
Let them copy whatever you’re doing. When I made biscuits or bread I gave them part of the dough to make their own mini loaf. Give them a bowl to stir or let them help. They can help put toppings on pizza or sandwiches. As they get older you can give them a lettuce knife to help cut lettuce, cheese, pb sandwiches, etc.
Close to You
Keep them near you. Young children are happier when they can be close to you. They are happier and learn work is normal. We’ve taught them phrases such as “We love to help, We work before we play.” Teaching them to work at a young age is so much easier than breaking bad habits of sitting in front of the tv as a baby sitter and then changing that pattern later.
Be Creative
When my little girls were 2 and 3, they so badly wanted to wash dishes. Now I had let them once before and I knew what a mess they had made. Everything was wet, the floor, counters and most of all them. But I didn’t want to discourage them so came up with a creative solution. Trash bags. I cut out holes for their head and arms and it kept them dry. Look for creative ideas that can help you in ways to engage your toddlers.
Make it Fun and Purposeful
If you make work fun, it doesn’t seem as much like work. Don’t complain about the work you have to do. It is a privilege to be able to care for your family. I know in the past years when I couldn’t do as much I missed it. Sing while you work. Pray for whom you’re doing it for. I know when I fold clothes I pray for the person I’m folding. I told them when they were little we’re making this to bless daddy, he works so hard for us. Or if it was a special dish. this is Sam’s favorite. If someone was down, let’s cheer them up and help them. Everyone has to work so it might as well be fun, plus they learn to bless others.
Nurture Them
Engage them. I would talk to my children while we cooked. We would sing and I would teach them songs. I’ve keep scripture cards or song lyrics on the inside of my cupboards and would work on memorizing them and so would they. Children learn memorization at a faster rate so don’t get discouraged if they learn it faster than you. I had a board book when they were younger that had a short verse for each letter. Instead of A is for apple it was A- All have sinned. It was amazing how fast they picked up on it.
Be Mindful of Where You’re Taking Them
As you’re putting these tips for toddlers in the kitchen in place think about where you’re going. You are training their habits while they are young. These are the same habits they will have later. Now if they have bad habits as toddlers, they can be retrained as younger children. I know, I’ve done it. But it takes a lot more work. Get in the habit of starting with them as toddlers and working together. As they get older children will share a lot of things on their hearts while working side by side. But you have to put the time in first.
Please remember these years are fleeting but the memories are forever. They really do go fast. I know when mine were little I was told how quickly it goes. With many little ones I really didn’t believe it and it really really didn’t feel like. But time passes and they grow up. Enjoy them.
I hope these tips for toddlers in the kitchen have helped you. Let me know which one is your favorite or another tip you have.
by Christina Renee | Family, Thoughts
Surprise !!!!
That’s what I heard when my sister walked into the room. It’d been over a year since I’d seen her and I miss her. Talking a couple times a week on the phone isn’t the same as seeing her in person. Although my first thoughts were” Oh, no. I look a mess. The house is a mess. Nothing is ready.”
Lack of Grace
Does anyone else have those thoughts when someone stops unexpectedly? I don’t know about your house, but at mine, no one ever stops right after we’ve cleaned. And we have really good baked goods to serve them that haven’t been gobbled up. I’d really like it if I was all put together, nicely dressed, make up, hair done. Does that happen? No. Do you give yourself the grace you give to others? Why is it so much easier to giving yourself grace to others than it is to give it to yourself?
Feeling Less Than
You see, my sister is beautiful. I mean really beautiful, and slim, and she looks so put together. And me, well, first of all I still have my cast. What was she thinking coming up while I was still in a wheelchair? And I’m fat and I had no makeup on. I can’t wear cute clothes with my cast. I refuse to buy more because that means it’s a long time thing. And yes, it has been a long time thing but I still don’t want to admit it.
My sister is a cleanie. She actually likes to clean! I know there are people that do, I just find it odd. I love having my house clean, but to me cleaning house is just a means to an end. And it was Friday, the day my house looks it’s worst. We have clean up day every Saturday morning. While we pick up each evening but I don’t make the children clean their room well every day. And we do the basics in the rest of the rooms.
She was so gracious on the state of my house. She helped clean, even the kids rooms. Actually, she just took over cleaning and was a mini drill Sargent with them but they love her dearly and didn’t mind. Beautiful grace in action. She clearly modeled giving yourself grace to everyone here.
Enjoying Now
How would we do anything fun? Well, we did. We had a wonderful time. We went out to dinner and shopping the next day. I still took naps and she visited with the children. She stayed in my girls room and had one on one time with them. Into the wee hours where my 13 year old talked until 2 and said I’m going to sleep now and still talked more. We had a family get together and she loved on the grand-babies. She loved on my babies too. Huge heart to overflowing.
Missing Memories or Making Memories
If I had panicked the whole time about the state of the house or my appearance or my children’s actions I would have missed so much. When I was younger I worried so much about the appearance. My older children remember cleaning for 2 days and cooking to make everything “perfect.” Now I know nothing is ever perfect. While I don’t want a mess and want my house comfortably clean, I know that getting my heart ready is so much more important that getting my house ready. Making memories is so much more important than “perfect”. Giving yourself grace to not be perfect and just be is so worth it.
Is this a struggle for you? Do you fret about appearances more than people?
Thank you Tammy for coming to visit. It meant the world to me.
by Christina Renee | Children, Thoughts
Watch and Listen
I spent the last two weeks watching 13 Reasons Why with my youngest daughters, ages 13 and 17. We’d watch an episode and discuss it. They had both read the book in school. Sometimes the discussion took longer than watching the episode. We talked about each episode and the reason she thought they were responsible for her death. In 13 Reasons Why the tapes that Hannah Baker made were to tell the Thirteen Reasons Why they were responsible for her killing herself.
Taking Responsibility
Before we even started watching the series we talked about whether other people could be responsible for what we do. Who is responsible for our actions.? The people who hurt us or are we ourselves only responsible? We talked about how how much pain she caused her parents. Are we only responsible for our actions or for the way our actions affect others? And to what extent?
Rumors, Lies and Lists
Watching each episode I made note of what happened to cause despair. We talked about rumors and lies that were spread. The lies that were told to make one person would feel better about themselves and another person feel worse. We talked about the “best” list and the difference between boys and girls. How the guys saw the best list as a compliment and girls would never even think of making a list. set a list that only listed a physical attribute. The list compartmentalized each person to that part of their body, not as a whole person or part of their character but just that body part.
Fair Weather Friends
We talked about how friends can hurt you and makes trusting difficult. Choosing wise friends and how to be careful until you know that they are trustworthy. We discussed being safe in many different situations. How to protect themselves and their reputations.
Talking to your Parents
We discussed how much her parents hurt. The agony that they were going through at the loss of her. We talked about what if it was hard to talk to your parents. What made it hard? What would make it easier and who else to talk to if you couldn’t talk to your parents. But that there was always somebody that they can talk to you instead of just going and harming themselves. I asked them who they talked to when they had things bothering them? And we went through who they could talk to. Although i would really love it if they would talk to me I am happy to know they have someone trustworthy that they can talk to.
Bullying
In 13 Reasons Why there was so much bullying in school and hurtful situations. I asked how it compared to their schools. Was it better or worse? How could it improve? We talked again of any instances they had had a bullying in school and what to do if it happened again. How it had made them feel and how they felt now?
Self Harm
Another topic that came up was cutting. They both knew friends who did it. I asked if they had ever thought of it and why? Skye in the series said it was what you did instead of committing suicide. It implied that was the only other option to her. So we tried to figure out why this was such a common choice right now ( it’s one thing they can control) and different options.
Rape
One of the more difficult topics were the rapes in 2 of the episodes. How often in happened in real life, verbally saying no!!!, how to avoid those situations and how and when to fight back. We also discussed them taking self defense courses.
Heroine or Victim
We also discussed Hannah’s Baker’s role in this series. How she was made out to be both of heroine and the victim. Which was she? How do we know the difference? The burden she put on Tony to disperse all of the tapes. the secrecy she wanted. Whether or not they were responsible for each of their actions for her death? Who was responsible? We decided just as you’re responsible for your actions, you are also responsible for your reactions. What is your take?
Discussion
In the end, watching 13 Reasons why with my daughters was enlightening and very worthwhile. Not because of the show as much as the discussions it prompted. I loved the opportunity for my daughters and I to have many evenings to discuss some very heavy subjects and to hear their hearts. If you have watched 13 Reasons Why with your teens what did you think? Did you discuss the series? What insight did you gain into your child?
by Christina Renee | Family, Marriage
Here is the last 10 of my 30 things I learned in 30 years of marriage. I hope you have found things that have helped you with your marriage.
21. Be honest with each other. Even small lies are lies. Now, ladies, don’t be asking “Does this make me look fat?” That’s not what I’m talking about. You need to be trustworthy and to be able trust your spouse.
22. It’s not easy. Major understatement!!! Marriage is very hard. You have two different people with different upbringings, different likes and dislikes and some different values. Although you think going in that it’ll be easy to comprise or the other person with give in. Talk, talk, talk. There will always be new things to discuss and work your way through. Even if you thing you’re one with one another. My husband and I still have very different tastes in furniture. It’s hard to agree and marriage is one long agreement after another. Know there will be hard times.
23. Continue to be attractive for each other. Remember when you were dating and you spent and hour or more getting ready? How long do you spend now? I’ll admit I go through times I don’t primp as much and then I have to go back and remember what he looks forward to coming home to. Is your hair done? Please tell me you showered in the last 24 hours. Lipstick, perfume? Is your everyday wardrobe yoga pants and tees? I know some days that’s easy and some can look cute even. But , do you take the time to look attractive for your spouse? If nothing else, at least a couple times a week. And look great for date night.
24. You’ll never stop learning about your spouse. You will be surprised there are things you don’t know. After living with them years, decades, you will be sure you know all about them. But you won’t. You’ll change, he’ll change and they’ll be something new for both of you.
25. Make a will. Get your paperwork in order. Know your spouses wishes, just in case. You never think it’s going to happen to you but it happens to someone everyday.
26. Always remember the good times. Especially when you’re in the middle of the bad times. Those are the memories that will keep you going.
27. Beware of outside influences. I know both of you have close friends and family members. Just like I know they mean well. But they are not the one you are married to. They may think they have all our best interests at heart and I am sure they do. But they only have an outside view of your marriage and only know what you tell them. They only have 1 point of view.
28. On the opposite side, do ask for help when you need it. I’d suggest someone who has a great marriage. We’ve been to marriage enrichment weekends that were wonderful. We’ve talked to our Pastor before on issues. Some of the best counsel we ever received was from a couple who had been married over 40 years.
29. Admit when you’re wrong. Say I’m sorry. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes at some time or another so I am sure you will too.
30. Surprise them unexpectedly. There are times that gifts are expected; Christmas, birthdays, anniversary. We chose to take the money usually spent on many “holidays” and use the money to go to a hotel overnight. Best gift ever, in my opinion. Time alone, uninterrupted conversations, no dishes or housework staring you in the face. But I love giving and receiving little gifts. Flowers, chocolate, candles, little things that you know will touch their heart. Totally unexpected and very sweet.
I hope you have enjoyed this short series of 30 things I’ve learned in 30 years of marriage. You can find part 1 here and part 2 here. Please let me know what has helped or if you have any tips to share, please comment below.
by Christina Renee | Family, Marriage
Here are 10 more on the list of 30 things I’ve learned in 30 years of marriage. I hope this is a blessing to you and please feel free to ask questions.
11. Be affectionate with each other. Even, especially in front of your children. I know my children have told me later when they were older, how comforting it was to see that Mom and Dad loved each other. Although you may here “gross and yuck”, they are comforted with so many of their friends from broken homes. Kiss, hug, hold hands, little touches that show affection, not just to your spouse but to others around you.
12.Laugh, a lot. The first things that attracted me to my husband was that he was kind and made he made me laugh. Learn how to see the humor in things. If not now, we’ll laugh when we remember them. And we do. Private jokes that are funny probably only to us.
13. Keep talking. It’s so easy, even on date night, to have conversations revolve around the kids, the house, to-do list or money. And it gets harder to keep talking on a deeper level. It’s hard to find the time, the dreams you used to share, and life is so very busy. We have conversation questions at dinner we sometimes pull out of a jar and there are times I do the same for us. Couples conversation starters have been great. Usually one question will spark a different thought and great conversation.
14. Men and women think differently. My husband would say very differently. What I think would bless my husband doesn’t and visa versa. For instance, I was leaving to go away for the evening with a friend and my husband asked if there was anything to do to help. I asked if he had time to work on the kitchen. When I came home the stove and fridge were pulled out and he has cleaned behind the stove and was behind the fridge cleaning the floor. He thought it was great since that was something I didn’t do regularly. All I saw was the same mess of dirty dishes and counters and appliances in the middle of the room. He felt unappreciated for the work he had done. I’ve done the same to him. I’ve had to look at the reasons behind what was done and appreciate that and not always the results.
15. Be thankful. Be thankful for what each one of you does for the other. It’s easy to forget or take for granted all the nice things that are done. You should treat your spouse better than you would a stranger.
16. Be their cheerleader. Let them know you’re always in their corner. Encourage them. Help them follow their dreams.
17. Respect him. Model it for your children. Look at him while he’s speaking. Don’t interrupt. Don’t be thinking about what you’re going to say next while he’s talking. Ask him for advice, look up to him.
18. Always say I love you. You never know when it’s the last time you’ll say it. Have no regrets. We say I love you every timer we leave, when we talk on the phone and before bed. Our children do too. Always say I love you.
19. Take time for each other. Make your relationship a priority. We have date nights and go away a couple nights a year. Reconnect as a couple , not just Mom and Dad. Have long uninterrupted conversations and enjoy time with each other. Investing time helps your relationship grow.
20. Enjoy intimacy with each other. Make time and energy for these “special times”. Be as adventurous as both of you want. Try new things to keep the spark alive.
After 30 years I still don’t know all about marriage. But I hope to have gained some knowledge to have shared with you. Any questions you have I’d gladly answer.
